I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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