This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
