Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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