do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize