so explain again why im purple
no
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
