do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
