1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
