Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
