Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
