We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
