We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
