my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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