I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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