Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
