every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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