Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
