Moan for me like Helen Keller
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
