Sry I called you an 8
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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