i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
