Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you inspire me to be a worse person
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize