the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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