I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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