I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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