How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
