I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In America we eat man semen.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
