i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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