The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
