I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
