I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
