Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
honey bunches of taint.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
