Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
