dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
