i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
