just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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