i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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