is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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