My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
