i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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