Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
