and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
