You're so nebulous sometimes
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize