I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
tell me about the eggs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
