normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this boner is exhausting
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
