you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
