she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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