If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
