I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
