ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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