im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
