Im at strip club and am horny
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
