My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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