Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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