I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
