I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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