When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
