i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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