I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
