Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
