The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
