Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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