I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
