Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
