I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
