I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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