Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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