Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
