i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
