My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
