i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
PANTIES FOUND
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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