Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
