how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
