This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dear god my vagina.
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